SF In Action from Practitioners in Asia
SF across cultures, religion and ethnic diversity
I consider SF nowadays not only as a working tool, but also as my
philosophy of life. And it is wonderful! It protects me from getting
hurt and it empowers my interaction with my partners. It has
affected my whole life. I have practiced SF as Charity work in
Malaysian Women's Organization, which provides a helpline for
domestic violence, sexual harassment or marital problems. I have
been seeing different kinds of ethnics and religions; wonderful
to notice that SF is culture free. It worked with Indian, Chinese
and Malay Malaysians and with Muslims, Christians, Buddhists
and Animists. What sometimes really struck me was the way the
women felt, the respectfullness of the approach. A great learning
opportunity. Nettie, Malaysia
We want to Argue Less and Get Along
A father brought his 9 &12 year old for constant "arguing and
fighting." I explored times when they were able to prevent an
argument and times they were able to keep their cool, inspite of their sibling "pushing their buttons." Their goal was to "argue less." So we explored what would be happening when they were doing more of what they wanted. The sister drew a beautiful picture using the scaling and how they would know when they were one point higher. They identfied small steps towards their goal. Three weeks later when they came back, I asked "What is better?" The Father was eager to talk about the one fight they had had the night before but also mentioned that since our last meeting, they had had no fighting. I was stunned and asked about the three weeks with no fighting! We spent the rest of the session unpacking this amazing accomplishment by the brother and sister. They had implemented the strategies they had identified during the first session and had moved up the scale by several numbers. They all decided they wanted to stay at the same number and would keep doing what was working. Their energy and mood was definitely more positive leaving my office. Debbie, Singapore
I am More Mindful Now....
I just want to say "thank you" again for an excellent and
impactful workshop. I have been using the solution-focused
principles and I am already seeing positive changes in my
relationship with my daughter and my mother. My relationship
with my mother has been etranged for a long time and we still
have a long way to go but I realized that telling her what she
should not do (nag) is not working. When I changed my
language and instead focused on what she did that I liked, I
saw an immediate change in her expression, her face softened
and she listened! I am now more mindful of treating her like
how I treat my friends and colleagues and that has helped
tremendously. I'm now asking my daughter "Wow, how did you
do that??" and that has improved things between us as well."
"The amazing thing is that I have a Masters degree from George
Mason University in Organizational Learning and Development.
Incredibly, I did not realize I can use my professional skills in my
personal life and relationships as well. Thank you for helping me
see that. Charmaine, Singapore
Miracle Question with 11 & 12 year old girls
I tried using some of my new SF skills with a group counseling
session with a small group of 11 & 12 year old girls who were
having friendship issues. We used the miracle question to think
about what a day would be like without the problems that
currently surrounded the girls. This led us to compile a set of
really nice 'ground rules' that we would to stick to. It's been three
weeks and there have been no reports of issues. The girls now
reportedly eat lunch together and one Mum said that things were
dramatically changed at home. Claire, Singapore,
Change started the very next day...
A mother and her 8-year old came for help because she refused to get on the school bus, which led to a lot of drama every
morning. There was wailing and crying and clinging to the
Mother and a lot of time was spent in reassuring the girl and
comforting her. Eventually she got on the bus, but this was
wearing both of them out. They were new to Singapore and had
never lived outside of their home country before. I spent some
time asking the girl about her previous home, what she enjoyed,
her friends and how it was different from Singapore. I eventually
asked how she managed to get on the bus every morning, even
though it was so difficult. To my amazement, she listed about
five things that helped her. We established a scale and she
identified small steps she had taken to reach that number and
what will tell her she was half a step higher toward having more
confidence about being at a new school, home, etc.
Before the next session, the mother wrote the following note:
"I wanted to follow up with you and give you some good news.
She has been getting on the bus every day without crying. There
was one day she was actually smiling getting on the bus. The
change started the very next day after we visited you. It's not
perfect yet but she is doing really well."
I saw them the next week and discovered that she had moved up
one whole number and was satisfied to stay there for awhile. I
told her that it seemed she knew everything she needed to do,
even though it was not easy. Debbie, Singapore